FAUX RAWK - real merch for not real bands.
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Rupert Pierce - Founder & CEO
Everyone has dreams, but not everyone can make them happen with the clarity and exactness of Rupert Pierce. Rupert pooled his winnings from his 2007 International Where's Waldo Lookalike Contest win with his inheritance from his family's extensive kumquat empire to begin Faux Rawk Recordings. When he's not plotting the company's course to new musical horizons (which is hardly ever), Rupert enjoys fencing, urban beekeeping and Victorian bike racing. 
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DaVarius Smith - Chief Operating Officer
Don't tell DaVarius that something can't be done. From his beginnings on the streets of Baltimore to his rise to second-in-command at Faux Rawk Recordings, DaVarius has made things happen. The main function of COO is to keep a business running at peak efficiency, and DaVarius makes it look effortless. Well, it requires a little effort on his part, usually coming in the form of one of his trademark deathstares. But in reality he's a big teddy bear, with adopting orphaned ferrets being one of his many passions. 

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Anastasia Killakova - Chief Financial Officer & Head of Security
Even without the eyepatch, 'Ana' would still cut an imposing figure. A graduate of Moscow's Komitet University (est. 1991), she majored in Finance while also excelling in Marksmanship, "Communications" and Computer Sciences. Ana maintains the financial strength of Faux Rawk Recordings as well as the safety of its employees. She also negotiates the artists' contracts. Ana binge-watches Gilmore Girls and makes fly-fishing flies in her spare time.


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Mary "Scarlett" O'Hara - Artists & Repertoire 
Whether it's her familiar last name or the fiery red streaks in her hair, Mary's nickname is an apt one. Faux Rawk founder Rupert Pierce met "Scarlett" at a Vön Öy show while she was their manager. The band was signed immediately after the show and Mary joined Faux Rawk Recordings soon thereafter. "What impressed me is that she's good cop and bad cop at the same time," Rupert explains. "You can't even begin to imagine how effective she is until you see her in action, whether it's recruiting new bands, dealing with the media or destroying opponents on the roller derby rink. She's something else." 
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Morty Granderstein - 'Management'
Sure, Morty uses a flip phone (and when it's an emergency, pager), and sure, Morty wears the most gold chains this side of, well, 2 Chainz, but it's the intangibles that make him indispensable to the Faux Rawk team. Starting out as Road Manager for Hot Dollop back in the Seventies, Morty has seen it all, and had to clean it up as well. He may not know how to collate, but he can negotiate the hell out of a band rider. 
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© 2020 FAUXRAWKMERCH
  • Home
  • Artists
    • Absolute Deathification
    • The Agony And The Agony
    • Ampersand Ümlaut
    • Antidisestablishmentarians
    • Astral Daggers
    • Brainhammer
    • Deathblossom
    • The Debt Pandas
    • EIN ZWEI DREI
    • Experience Machines
    • Fashion The Cactus
    • Harm To Ongoing Matter
    • Hot Dollop
    • The Incredible Rhyme Animals
    • Jeremiah Thunderclap And The Dakota Polecats
    • My Sweaty Cats
    • Vön Öy
  • Store
  • News
  • REVIEWS
  • Rawk Blawg
  • About
    • Staff
    • FAQ
    • Terms and Conditions >
      • Shipping & Handling
      • Returns & Refunds
      • Privacy Policy
    • Contact